About This Blog

This began as a blog to document my adventure of studying abroad. I was accepted to two programs; one in Doha, Qatar, and one in Istanbul, Turkey. In the end, I could not afford to participate in either program. Still disappointing.

The blog now stands as a testament to a major life ambition that went unfulfilled. For that reason, I am now keeping it alive to document my life, geared largely towards my attempt to... I dunno... change my life? Lives are always changing, of course.

Well, OK, I was thinking of making this a blog about my, ahem, "struggle" with ADHD. I don't like describing it in that way because it seems so... presumptuous? self-aggrandizing/dramatizing? prepackaged? melodramatic?

I dunno. See, anyway, my life is a nice trail of false starts and ambitions unfulfilled. Hell, when this blog started, I was engaged to be married. Only months later, my ex-fiance and I were broken up. Sigh.

Anyway, I am amidst dramatic transition as I write this. It's early May, 2012. In January, 2011, at the age of 29, I began life as an undergraduate student at the University of Minnesota. In September, 2011, I quit a job I'd held for well over 10 years in the financial services industry. I've been devoting myself to school since then. Now I need to find a job and I want to start a freelance copywriting career.

Uhhh, yeah, so... ADHD. Again, I do not really want to package this blog solely as "one man's struggle with ADHD." I still do not know exactly what ADHD is. See... that's it. That's the trouble. As soon as I bring ADHD into the mix, there are all the preconceptions readers bring with it. I dunno.

Obviously I feel like whatever goes on inside my head, and whatever struggles this thing I will encapsulate with the term ADHD, it's bigger than the label, it's deeper than the label and the preconceptions. It is not just me vs. some disease. First I do not wish to extract myself from my responsibility for the problems in my life. I do not want to pass it off on some little cookie monster named ADHD. Of course I like the feeling of forgiveness that would come with passing off my mistakes, failures, problems, etc., with such a passing-off.

Then of course, along those same lines, there's the idea that I am trying to package myself as victim.

Victim, Victim, V-I-C-T-I-M... victim, victim vicitivmimcinticmnvmc....

Vic. Tim.

Like a little drop of poison into cold water. Who wants to hear anything about a victim? Am I under siege? If I am, any moreso than anyone else?

And yet, some of the things I want to talk about feel like I am delivering them packaged with me as victim. Victim of... embarrassment, forgetfulness, poor impulse-control... awkwardness... feeling alienated/different... somehow unable to function in the fashion everyone else around me manages to...

Thank you for reading. I don't want to be doing this so selfishly. I want you to get something out of it. I hope I can find a way to share what I want to share in a way that is useful to you. As entertainment, help, uhhh... whatever...