So, I am avoiding doing the remaining 600 words because I suspect (worry?) that it will take me very long to come up with them. 600 words. I could do 30 words/hour. That's one sentence per hour, and I'd be done by 5pm tomorrow, easily. But... they can't just be 30 plain words, ordinary thoughts in my head, I need to come up with thirty GOOD words, words that have substance and will earn me an A.
To come up with 30 GOOD words... I would need to re-read things I should've already read. And reading, god, that's a chore. Read 3 pages, if I'm lucky, before my mind trails off completely onto something else... go back, read the 3rd of those 3 pages again... what the hell have I read? Can I summarize what I've just read in my mind? If I can't... did I read it at all?
- - - - - - -
So why is this blog entry titled "what's an ester?" Because the above describes... well, roughly depicts, my thought process in trying to accomplish something I wanted to accomplish... I could not get it started... I still have not gotten it started... the above was my thought process on trying to get the 1500 word essay completed.
Oh, I neglected to mention, I am going to a baseball game tonight. It starts at 7pm. It's 9am. It was well before 9am when I was encountering the mental roadblock I described above. 10 hours. OK, well, an hour of transport time to the game, 6pm... 9 hours... 9 hours I'd have to write those 600 words. Less than 100 words an hour. That seems accomplishable. But, again, they have to be 100 GOOD words. Not just whatever pedestrian thought is in my head. They gotta be good.
OK, so, my point: my mind instead got onto another thing I had to do... a 200-page informal writing assignment. I started reflecting on that. It was for my renewable energy class, "what did I learn in my renewable energy class" is the assignment. I started thinking about that. I got 170 words written fairly easily. Then I wanted to add the thought "I learned the word 'ester'." Which, really, I did. I think I've encountered it in the past, but never known what it means. I thought to myself "I can't just say, in this reflection, that I learned the word. If I were grading this, that would be unsatisfactory... so... I need to show that I not only learned the word, but that I actually know what it means. Uhhh... I don't know what it means. It's some kinda sciencey combiney thing... chemical reactions... it... uhhh... does... chemical reactions..." gosh, I really don't know what an ester is. Well, might as well take this opportunity to learn! To Wikipedia with me....
Esters are chemical compounds derived by reacting an oxoacid with a hydroxyl compound such as an alcohol or phenol.
"What the hell does that mean???" OK... break it down... "oxoacid"... an acid that contains an alcohol... hydroxyl...
HYDROXYL: A hydroxyl is a chemical functional group containing an oxygen atom connected by a covalent bond to a hydrogen atom
"A "chemical functional group"???? Wait, what is a covalent bond again?? I learned that recently, but now I've forgotten it... ...OK, wait a minute... so what the hell is an ester again?"
All
this confusion over anxiety about whether or not it is OK for me to put
"I learned the term 'ester'." All that over 5 words in a 200-word
reflection that is not a significant part of my grade in that class. And
all that to avoid focusing on 600 words for the 1500-word paper.
And through all this, I still work on
the floor of my bedroom. My computer is not propped up on a desk. So in
trying to decide whether or not to put 5 words on an insignificant
assignment, my mind then wandered to how to accomplish acquiring a
desk...
Go
buy one? Simple, resolute. But a good one would cost.... $70 cheap at
Target. Plus the $15 or so to reserve and use an hourcar. Maybe instead I
call Mom and borrow her vehicle. But... for how long do I use it? What
about all that stuff in my storage space? I should use Mom's vehicle to
also get stuff out of storage. What will fit? Where will I put it? Will
my room get too crowded? I should organize my room (keep in mind, that
1500-page paper is not getting any more written in all this time)...
Craigslist,
I could get a free desk off Craigslist. But I looked at such desks.
They're so big. Mom's vehicle may not be sufficient to go get one. I'd
have to rent a truck. Gosh, that would cost money. Might as well just go
buy the cheap desk at Target.
But do I REALLY need a desk? Can I persist with the computer on the floor as it is right now? Well, it's not very comfortable.
This blog entry itself is part of the whole story. It's over 1000 words and I composed it in about 20 minutes.
It should also be noted that I also originally posted it in my blog devoted specifically to sports. That was a mistake which I will correct now.
It should also be noted that I also originally posted it in my blog devoted specifically to sports. That was a mistake which I will correct now.
